surgery and pubescent anger

Okay, I'm going to give it a try and see if I can get back to blogging. For those of you who don't know, I had abdominal reconstructive surgery November 20 to repair my abdominal muscles which were destroyed by my triplet pregnancy. You might wonder how pregnancy can damage abdominal muscles, so just picture the muscles dividing up the middle, stretching way beyond capacity, then a yoga ball protruding through them and pushing them out to the sides of the body. Then one day the doctors remove the enormous growth, and expect the muscles to gracefully shrink and return to their original position along the front of my abdomen. Well, enough said, right? They didn't return. They tried, but to no avail. I even spent 4 months in physical therapy trying to tighten them and strengthen them but there still remained a 2 inch gap up the center of my abdomen from my pubic bone to about 3 inches above my navel. Needless to say I've had severe back pain for the past year and as one Dr. put it, it's as if I've been walking around with all my nuts and bolts loose. (Is there surgery to tighten the nuts and bolts of my brain, because I think they're loose as well?)

So I had the surgery and it all went well, and they were even able to remove some of the extra way stretched out skin tissue, which is great. I have permanent sutures up the middle of my abdominal wall. It has been a long, slow recovery process and the hardest part once the initial pain subsided has been the exhaustion. I'm so flabby and have lost so much muscle tone and have even gained weight since the surgery because of inactivity. I wanted so much for it to be a minor surgery and it was SO NOT A MINOR SURGERY! I finally received clearance to return to normal activity and I have so much work to do to get my body back in shape. I'm so hopeful that I will have some relief from back pain and some stability but this has been no picnic. There have been many moments when I have been very angry to have had my body destroyed by bringing these babies here. Why oh why oh why oh why couldn't I just get them here without such vast physical damage being done to me????? WHY????

But that's not really what I wanted to write about tonight. Tonight I wanted to write about the phenomenon of how I went to tuck in my 12 year old son tonight and he spewed anger and defiance all over me, even though the last time I saw him was 2 hours earlier when he was eating the awesome dinner I'd cooked and appreciating every bite. So I come to find out that he had been in a fight with his dad and so he's angry at HIM, but I guess because I come in representing the parental unit then I'm GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION, right? I'm so bugged! How is this fair? Okay, I'm the queen of telling my kids that life is not fair, but really, do I deserve this anger vomit that is being hurled in my direction? All I was going to do was give him a hug and tell him good night and I'm being received as if I'm his most hated enemy. And I cooked dinner! And he loved it! And then I went to run errands, and now all I get is this ugly side of him? So Uncool. The girls at school would not be impressed, that's for sure. Maybe I should get on their Facebook pages link them to this post.............nah...I'll just send him some love from here in the dark computer room and forgive him and hope that he gets some much needed rest tonight so that he feels better tomorrow. After all, he's my son.