I am so Blessed

I have to take a minute to let you in on this experience. This is probably the single most challenging physical experience I have ever had. I endured two months of absolute sickness that if you have not experienced there is not way I could ever do justice by explaining. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that there were times that I didn't even go to the bathroom without a bucket in my hand and for about a month I couldn't even walk in my kitchen. In fact, I couldn't even look in that direction. People would ask me if it was so difficult to cook and prepare food for my family, and I think I probably just looked at them with a look of stupor on my face. Difficult to cook? It was more like difficult to get up, period. On days I wasn't a slave to my bucket I was so wiped out and emaciated from the illness that all I could do was stare at the TV or at my ceiling fan.

So I'm finally feeling the beginnings of the nausea subsiding just in time for my belly to get huge. I think I knew I would grow quickly, but this is just ridiculous! I measure 7 months along and I'm only 4 1/2 months. I have already reached the stage of discomfort in the belly that accompanies the last few weeks of pregnancy. I was so hopeful to have at least 3-4 weeks when I wouldn't feel so sick and I wasn't completely huge yet, but I am coming to accept the fact that I probably won't have that. I have been mourning the loss of my summer as well. A "good day" for me means that I have enough energy to spend about an hour running one errand before I run out of energy and begin to feel faint. I have made some purchases for the babies, but not nearly enough, but I just don't have the energy to do more. And my standing stamina is about 5 minutes. That's another reason I can't run errands--my legs begin to throb from varicosities and my ligaments that support my belly begin to get sharp pains running through them.

So I'm doing my best to keep my chin up, but at times I do get discouraged. It is so difficult for someone like me to be so limited in my activity! I'm usually going and doing and I love to have fun and be active, but this season I am so limited. While I am doing my best to surrender to that, it's not always easy.

And yet, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. It overwhelms me that the Lord believes that I am fit to be a mom to three babies and seven children total. I never would have had that much faith in myself. I am so looking forward to meeting these little babies and watching them grow. So many people make comments to us to the effect that they are overwhelmed for us or that if they were in our shoes they would do any number of things, such as jumping off cliffs, or just dying from shock, or freaking out, and yet I feel no tendencies toward any of those things! I simply feel overwhelmed at the abundance of our life and the trust the Lord is putting in us by sending us these babies. I feel so incredibly blessed to have this most unanticipated opportunity.

One of my favorite songs is by Martina McBride entitled, "Blessed." The lyrics are so beautiful. She sings,
"I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed"

So if you are happy that our experience is not yours, don't feel bad for us, we are happy for you that it isn't yours also! And we are thrilled that it is ours! Even though this is so challenging, and will continue to be for a VERY long time (and expensive, Dave might add), we welcome it with humility and joy in our hearts. This fall we will become the parents of seven children. This is definite confirmation for us that "our plan" for our lives is not always "the plan" for us, and we humbly surrender to what must most certainly be "THE PLAN" for the Tate family!